dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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