I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
