sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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