I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
