i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
