I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
