Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
