no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
