Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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