Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
