I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
