Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i think i just lost a toe
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
