my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was born a porn star she said
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
