Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
