i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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