Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
