I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
