He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
