Will you blow on my dice?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
