i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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