Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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