Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
