just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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