You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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