I need help removing her.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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