I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
