doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
