well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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