We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
