On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
