I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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