I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im six kinds of drunk right now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
