i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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