god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
