We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
