I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
