Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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