RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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