Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
