my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
