Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
