i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
