names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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