tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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