I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You dont lie about slip and slides
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
