Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
