Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
