Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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