So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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