i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
