Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
