what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
