They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
