i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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