i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
