ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
