Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
